Keeping your relationship with your husband alive when you have young kids
Having trouble connecting with your husband since your child was born? Yes, we’ve all been there. From the sleepless nights of feeding the baby and changing nappies to playdates, chores and other errands, we may often find working on our relationship with our husbands put behind everything else. True enough, these little humans take a lot from our plate. But, we must not forget that our husbands are humans too. While they may have different needs (and not as urgent as with our little bubs), we need to start to acknowledge them. Our relationship with our husbands is never static. It is always a work-in-progress and if we want to include them in our future, we need to keep the love burning.
But how do we do that?
Keeping the relationship with your husband alive is not entirely rocket science. But, with little kids, it can be a challenge and it may take some degree of effort.
Your Relationship with Your Husband will Change
Ever since your child was born, a new dad was also made. While they may not experience the physical challenges of childbirth as we mums do, they also struggle adjusting to this new kind of life. As a new parent, your husband may feel happy, excited, anxious, and overwhelmed all at the same time. You both may feel this huge responsibility to care and to love this tiny human being in your arms. And for the first few years, when they’re still small, it’s like having a third-wheeler who is constantly grabbing all your attention and you probably won’t have some quality alone time with your husband.
But here’s the thing: you need to SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER in order to keep your relationship ALIVE.
Little Things Matter
Quality time can be sharing a cup of coffee before you both start your mornings or grabbing a bottle of beer or a glass of wine at home as you cap of the day. It can be a walk in the park together with your little bub. It really depends on you. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. But, my advice is that make it meaningful.
As you cherish these little alone time together with your husband, also try to find the courage to be open to one another. Learn to appreciate the small details that brings you joy and communicate it with him. If you take pride on how he has become a good father to your kids or a good husband to you, let him know and thank him. On the other hand, if you are struggling and you need help, let him know. You are in this journey together, not just during the highs, but also during the lows.
Go Big if You Want To
Well, this is the spontaneous and romantic me talking here. If you are just itching to spend some real quality alone time with your husband, then by all means go for it. If you can leave your kids home with a responsible and willing adult, don’t wait for your husband to plan it. It may never happen (Yes, they can be that dense! LOL)! Maybe the grannies would like to take over for a while. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. It can be a night out or a 2-day vacay with just the two of you. This will give you some time to reconnect as well as re-discover yourselves before the kids.
I know it’s not that easy…
The reality is that no matter how much we carefully laid out our plans, some things just happen beyond our control. That holiday you planned may not happen anytime soon because you can’t find someone to leave the kids. That quality time with coffee or a glass of wine always gets interrupted with a screaming baby. And that walk in the park? Maybe you’re just too tired for all that. But, don’t be too hard on yourself. Take care of yourself too. Give your husband some leeway and just be kind to one another. When you have small kids, it’s definitely hard work to keep your relationship alive. But don’t get so lost in the chaos of it all to forget that your relationship with your husband also matters. Sooner or later, they’ll be off to college and I want you to be there with your husband, side-by-side happily reminiscing of the days they were just little bubs and wondering how you got through it all.