That little voice in your head? Stop agreeing with it!
You know that little voice in your head – the constant internal monologue that disguises as a dialogue, the imaginary conversations with imaginary versions of the people in your life that run in the background of your mind (see the Peanut Theory).
That voice that usually tells you everything you’re doing wrong, how worthless you are, how generally unloveable. The voice that might even tell you you have no reason to be here, that no-one will miss you if you’re gone, that actually the world would be a better place without you.
For some it’s just the voice of self-doubt, an incessant questioning of their choices.
For others, it’s the voice of depression.
For others still, it’s the voice of despair leading to suicide.
For all those whose voice brings them down, whose voice is not one of self-love, I have a simple yet brilliant piece of advice (simple, brilliant, yet not necessarily easy to apply):
Stop agreeing with it!
You see, the voice in our head originates inside us. Yes, it might be a continuation of messages we repeatedly received in our childhood or adulthood, but that voice you hear, that nasty internal “dialogue”, is nonetheless a product of your own brain.
And like everything that originates inside us, we can change it. We can change the way we look at things. We can even change how we feel about things.
The first step, as always, is awareness. It’s to isolate the voice in our head and identify it “oh, that’s just my inner demon talking” or “funny, sounds exactly like what my father/mother used to say to me”.
The next step is to stop agreeing with it.
Make it into a habit to interrupt the internal voice by telling yourself you don’t agree with it.
When you hear it tell you that “you’re not loveable” – don’t agree with it. Remind yourself of all the things that make you loveable and all the people who do love you.
If the voice tells you that you’re incompetent, and that your colleagues are bound to find out any day now, stop agreeing with it, and tell yourself of all the reasons why you are good in your job.
If the voice tells you that you’re worthless, don’t agree with it, but rather remind yourself of all the good things you do for those around you, even if they can’t see it.
This is about changing the way we think about ourself, which then in turn will change the way we feel about ourself and then life in general.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not an easy exercise. Sometimes you may find it necessary to enrol a little bit of outside help – your friends, your family (as long as they are not already struggling with their own demons) or a therapist.
In the same way you wouldn’t agree with a good friend describing themselves as useless, incompetent or unloveable – please stop agreeing with it for yourself.